SEF

And as far as this problem:

"3. Sites that wont let you go back, I hate nothing more that being an hour into a google search and loose my place cause I cant go back. (usally a book mark us now page, once your there you cant go back, which ever button you hit goes forward and no matter how fast you are you cant hit back fast enough)"

If I'm understanding this correctly, I get around sites like this by right clicking on the back button and selecting the site before the one I can't get out of.

[This message has been edited by jan (edited 05-22-2001).]

60) Create your site in frames with no navigation on the inner pages, that way when they arrive from a search engine they wont be able to find the rest of your site.

61) Frighten your visitor off directly by saying Hello (visitor's name) how is the weather this afternoon in (visitor's home town).

62) Use page transitions to create a LSD flash back affect, that way your old hippy visitors will switch their computer off and go get some rest!

63) Create a website for a major corporation all in flash and forget to mention their name and product in the source code. That way no-one can find it without the URL.

64) Everyone knows it is hard to be heard on the Internet with all those other pages out there. Shouting at your visitor should put them right off. Use all caps, all bold huge text.

65) Make sure you defame and tear down your competitors. This will really help to drive of potential clients.

66) Get the marketing firm that designed your brochure to put it up on-line with so little information and interaction that your visitor will disconnect to call you long distance for more information.

67) Make sure all your navigation is hidden inside a java applet that takes 20 minutes or more to download. This works really well if you have a great product that you want to keep for yourself. Put a different java applet on the next page just incase they have waited and got through.

68) Create a huge information site or directory and promote it as the official and definitive guide to your subject. Then make sure you only add links to the limited number of websites you have created. Visitors will be so annoyed they will never come back.

69) Make sure you let your visitor know that you are the very best and the only one in the world that can help them, that is a great turn off too!

I feel better now! Thanks to all prior posters and Jim, you have all made my day.

72) Ask for visitors' Zip codes before allowing them to enter. This ensures that them pesky dangerous foreigners from far-away, exotic countries like Canada and the UK can't pollute your website by actually viewing it. (Or it makes them lie.)

73) String non-American visitors along. Allow them to order merchandise by filling out a form that takes 10 minutes to be processed by your server, *then* tell them that you only ship to the US. I can guarantee that not only will they never return, they'll tell everyone they know not to visit.

74) (a personal peeve) Refuse to send things by regular mail. Insist on sending everything via UPS, no exceptions, even if it means your Canadian client has to pay a $35.00 customs brokerage charge on a $3.00 item. Another great way to prevent repeat visits.

75) Use graphics that blink so fast that people with photosensitive epilepsy go into seizure.

76) Use sound the visitor can't shut off. Ensure that visitors can fully enjoy your site's MIDI version of "My Heart Will Go On" by running a script to shut off Real Audio and Windows Media should either be running when a visitor opens your home page. After all, what's more important - your visitor's right to listen to music he prefers (or to none at all), or Design!

77) Never, but never, make it easy for a visitor to find your business's telephone and fax numbers. Hide them so that visitors are forced to go through page after page if they want to contact you in real life.

78) Provide prominent links to extremist political associations. This is certain to make prospective clients worried about whether their money is actually going to the Michigan Militia, Operation Rescue, Islamic Jihad or any other wingnut group.

84) Use tables within tables within tables within tables to at LEAST 9 levels. Putting a new table inside a single cell works really well!! Frontpage is super for creating them easily. Good luck loading the page at all never mind in Netscape!

85) Make absolutely sure your pages ONLY display in the very latest verson of MSIE.

86) Make your customers email you for shipping costs outside the US; take 2 weeks to reply; only give an approximate cost not an actual one; make sure you charge at least double the actual amount;
ALWAYS ask the nice lady in the Post Office NOT to obscure the stamps with the frank marks so that the recipient can clearly see the low amount of postage you actually paid!

How many pages could they have bookmarked as "Homepage" anyway?

To really irritate them, have your form require non-standard formatting, such as spaces in credit cards, but don't tell them until they submit the form. Make them feel stupid on the next page with something like YOUR CREDIT CARD INFORMATION IS INCORRECT!!!! USE YOUR BACK BUTTON TO CORRECT THIS FIELD!!! in bold, red type, without telling them what they did "wrong." Force them to fill out the entire form again.

92) Be sure to send some "helpful", "friendly" and "informative" spam from the above site for protection services (as an example) which only costs $10 a month..

Absolutely infuriating!

2 and 3 letter state codes? Try the UK. Try fitting 'County Durham' or 'West Midlands' into two characters!

I was often irritated by the fact that on sites targeting international audience various forms has a required"state" field. In many European countries you simply do not indicate state or province if you live in a capital or a large city. Moscow, Russia is just Moscow, Russia, but if one skips the "state" field one gets an error message.