erwinloh
Joined: Jun 01, 2000
# Posts: 1503
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Posted: 2001-Apr-25 19:08
Hiya all. Just thought I would start a new thread where people can post webmaster/ internet jokes here - we all need a good laugh once in a while.I'll start with the first one (please don't be offended - it's meant to be a joke!) - read it all - it's long:
One day God decided that He needed a personal homepage. So He decided to outsource, and put an ad out looking for third-party contractors to compete for the job. It so happened that no-one dared to undertake the project as it was God, except for 2 applicants - Jesus and Satan. Jesus said "Well, I am the son, and I know some HTML". Satan said "I am a web guru." So God gave the 2 of them 24 hours to come up with the homepage.
So away they went - Jesus hit Dreamweaver 7.0 (pre-release version) and started coding from scratch - Satan went for Frontpage 6.66 and started to pack in the XMLs line by line. Hour by hour, the lines of code flowed out unceasingly, as the 2 competing web gurus slugged it out in front of their Pentium's. There were Javascripts and applets galore, Flash movies were done and redone, meta-tags were optimised, CGI forms debugged... much was achieved. Just as time was running out, at the 23:59 hour there was a power blackout in the supernatural realm - both Jesus and Satan lost power! Their monitors winked out, and both of them stared at the screen with fingers still above their keyboards. Power then mysteriously reappeared - and Windows XP rebooted, with Scandisk saying "Hey, you did not shut down properly" etc. etc. God then appeared, and said "Show me what you have done!". Satan was abashed - he said "Sorry, but I lost all my work! There was a power failure, and I did not have UPS or a ZIP drive for backup!" Jesus however, clicked on IE 7.7 and showed God the most wonderful website with the most wonderful Flash intro, mouseover effects, multimedia presentation with MP3 background harp music - the lot. The website was even ranked No. 1 to 1000 in AV, Google, Yahoo, Looksmart and Goto (for only 1 cent) for the keyword "God" and "Head Honcho". God was Almighty impressed. Satan asked God "How did Jesus do it???" God said "Jesus saves."  [This message has been edited by erwinloh (edited 04-25-2001).]
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Curt
Joined: Eons Ago
# Posts: 3747
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Posted: 2002-Jan-22 11:22
What is this file: WIN386.SWP ?Do we have any Windows gurus down here? I sure hope so.
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cablelady
Joined: Aug 06, 1999
# Posts: 121
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Posted: 2001-Apr-25 22:51
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jkcity
Joined: Mar 16, 2001
# Posts: 3230
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Posted: 2002-Jan-22 11:29
as far as I know it should only be a small file that points to the location of the swap file "386spart.par" or somthing like that.It is the thing that maneges your swap fiel space, if you don't have enough ram it will make part of your hard drive act liek ram I think to try and squeeze more out of it. You having a particular problem with the file?
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erwinloh
Joined: Jun 01, 2000
# Posts: 1503
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Posted: 2001-Apr-27 03:00
Hi all. Seriously, no one here know of any other webmaster jokes??? If you do, please share.
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Dinkar
Staff
Joined: Aug 12, 2001
# Posts: 4391
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Posted: 2002-Jan-22 11:59
Yes jkcity is somewhat right. It's a virutal memory of your computer. It's size depends upon virutal memory's settings. You can easily change the size as per your need.
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pageoneresults
Joined: Dec 30, 1999
# Posts: 646
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Posted: 2001-Apr-27 12:19
and then the webmaster asked... quote:
What is a META tag?
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NEntropy
Joined: Dec 08, 1999
# Posts: 1117
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Posted: 2002-Jan-22 22:06
I thought win386.swp was the swap file itself... The size would probably be few hundred megs. Don't delete it (though it won't let you delete it anyways)... It's an important system file.You should be able to change it by going to Control Panel - System - Advanced.
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FitPerfect.com
Joined: Feb 10, 2001
# Posts: 48
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Posted: 2001-Apr-27 22:22
What is the definition of a "Search Engine Optimizer Consultant"?[This message has been edited by FitPerfect.com (edited 04-27-2001).]
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Brandon Internet Security
Joined: Jan 05, 2002
# Posts: 7
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Posted: 2002-Jan-23 04:35
I have a swapfile TUNE UP TIP. As many people told you, its your swap file created by Windows. If you have at least 32 of memory. you can delete that fragmented swap file, then run a system defrag and then reboot. The purpose, to speed up your computer swapfile memory access time! This requires a manual process. When its created, your swapfile gets fragmented (in pieces all over the drive) immediately when you boot because your other files are currently fragmented... So if you delete it and defrag.. The next time you boot, the computer will use the contigious Free space to create a non defragmented swap file. So you can expect much better performance. Remember, you computer uses this file as temporary memory.
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Kal
Joined: Aug 13, 2000
# Posts: 226
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Posted: 2001-Apr-28 08:46
This is not really a joke, but I saw this on a t-shirt recently and had a chuckle :Front of shirt : <body>
Back of shirt : </body> clever, don't you think?
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jkcity
Joined: Mar 16, 2001
# Posts: 3230
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Posted: 2002-Jan-23 10:08
"I thought win386.swp was the swap file itself..."Yer I think it is, I don't know where I got 386spart.par.
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Perfection
Joined: Mar 27, 2001
# Posts: 107
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Posted: 2001-Apr-28 14:41
This is also not really a joke, but I'm a web designer and my friends have come up with my nickname... "Webmaster Flash"As in the old 80's rapper, Grandmaster Flash
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Dinkar
Staff
Joined: Aug 12, 2001
# Posts: 4391
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Posted: 2002-Jan-23 12:25
quote:
Don't delete it (though it won't let you delete it anyways)...
Nice Tip. I would also like to give the same tip - don't delete it. But if you delete it, don't worry. Windows will automatically create new file  The best way to use virtual memory is to create a permanent swap file. You can do it by following NEntropy's suggestions. Set it's size 250% of your actual memory. For example: if you have 32MB RAM then set your virtual memory to 80MB. HTH. PS: No need to delete your permanant swap file. Just run defrag to speed up your computer.
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JuniorHarris
Joined: Dec 18, 2000
# Posts: 1276
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Posted: 2001-Apr-28 14:51
¡[This message has been edited by JuniorHarris (edited 09-07-2001).]
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NEntropy
Joined: Dec 08, 1999
# Posts: 1117
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Posted: 2002-Jan-23 14:35
Don't set it to 250% if you have more than 256MB of RAM, though. If you have A LOT of memory, then you don't need as much swap file. It'll just eat up and waste harddrive space.
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xelA
Joined: Nov 24, 1999
# Posts: 1857
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Posted: 2001-Apr-28 16:32
Guys this is getting really sad.... don't advertise just how dorky we are
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pageoneresults
Joined: Dec 30, 1999
# Posts: 646
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Posted: 2001-Apr-28 22:17
quote:
How do you keep an SEO in suspense?
Bring up a topic about robots.txt files and the possibility of spiders not indexing a site because a robots.txt file is not present in the root directory! Receive multiple replies to the topic and not one person who can officially state that the robots.txt file is an extremely important part of SEO! I'm on a mission! How do you keep JuniorHarris in suspense? Tell him you've seen question marks in some of his URL's but you can't remember which ones! 
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pageoneresults
Joined: Dec 30, 1999
# Posts: 646
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Posted: 2001-Apr-28 22:23
Front of hat: <head>
Back of hat: </head>
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erwinloh
Joined: Jun 01, 2000
# Posts: 1503
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Posted: 2001-Apr-29 09:29
Come on, there are lawyer jokes, there are doctor jokes, there are Irish and blonde jokes - surely there are webmaster/ internet/ SEO jokes that we can share to laugh at ourselves... 
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